Catholicism: There’s hell after life, but if you’re doin the magic things I tell you, and may it even be on your last day on earth, you can avoid going there. For sure! I promise you! Believe me!
Protestantism: Only God decides if you’re going to hell or not. But life’s hell anyway. So work hard all the time without rest, without thought, without mercy, and we’ll know from that how God has jugded in your case.
Buddhism: You’re already in hell right here right now. But there’s this tiny little door where you can leave this hell, when you’re ready to sacrifice „you“.
Atheism: There’s no hell, neither on earth nor after life. But this won’t help you to feel better anyway.
Islam: Obey or I give you hell.
Taoism: Tryin to make something heaven brings you to hell. But there’s some little spot of heaven in every hell.
Agilism: Waterfall and seeing agile as a method will let your company burn in hell until the day it’ll go bankrupt.
Trumpism: Not being the center of attention would be hell. Hell is for losers. Can’t make a deal with the devil. Just can’t do it. So sad. Period.
Pastafarianism: When was the last time I’ve seen a real pirate cursing like hell?
Meism: What the hell!?